Old and New Jokes

A guy walks into a bar with his dog and says, Ill have a Scotch and water and my dog would like a whiskey sour.

The bartender says, Sorry, we dont allow animals in here. The dog replies, Hey, Im tired of being discriminated against. Just give me a drink.



The bartender says, Oh, no, not another ventriloquist with the old talking dog trick. Both of you, get out of here!



No, no, no, this isnt a trick, I promise you, says the man, I tell you what, Ill go for a walk around the block and you talk to Rover here.



The man leaves and the bartender sees him turn the corner. Now, can I have my drink. says the dog.



The bartender is amazed. Sure you can and its on the house! Listen, can you do me a favor? My wife works next door at the cafe. Itll make her day if you go in and order a cup of coffee. Heres ten bucks and you can keep the change afterwards.



Okay. says the dog and he takes the ten dollars and leaves.



Ten minutes go by and the dog doesnt come back. The owner returns and asks where is the dog. So both of them go off to see what happened to the dog. As they approach the cafe, they see Rover going at it hot and heavy with a French poodle in the alley between the bar and cafe. The owner shouts, Rover! What are you doing! Youve never done this before!



The dog shrugged. Hell, Ive never had any money before.