It was so cold last winter that I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.

A man walked into a bar with his alligator and asked the bartender, Do you serve lawyers here? Sure do, replied the bartender. Good, said the man. Give me a beer, and Ill have a lawyer for my gator.

In a cartoon showing two people fighting over a cow – one person was pulling the cow by the tail; the other was pulling on the horns. Underneath was a lawyer milking the cow.

If you laid all of the lawyers in the world, end to end, on the equator —-It would be a good idea to just leave them there.

Legal Business Card: Dewey, Cheatham, & Howe Attorneys at Law

A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats. …Benjamin Franklin.

An anxious woman goes to her doctor. Doctor, she asks nervously, can you get pregnant from anal intercourse? Certainly, replies the doctor, Where do you think lawyers come from?

Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A: A good start!

Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

A: His lips are moving.

Q: Whats the difference between a dead dog lying on the road and a dead lawyer on the road?

A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.

Q: Why wont sharks attack lawyers?

A: Professional courtesy.

Q: What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

A: Not enough sand.

Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

A: Cut the rope.

Q: Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

A1: Take your foot off his head?

A2: No.