In front of a New Hampshire restaurant
Now serving live lobsters

On the menu of a restaurant
Blackened bluefish

In a Maine restaurant
Open seven days a week and weekends.

In a New Jersey restaurant
Open seven days a week and weekends.

On the walls of a Baltimore estate
Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.
— Sisters of Mercy

On a long established New Mexico dry cleaning store
Thirty-eight years on the same spot.

In a New York drugstore
We dispense with accuracy.

In a New York medical building
Mental Health Prevention Center

On a New York convalescent home
For the sick and tired of the Episcopal church

In a funeral parlor
Ask about our layaway plan.

In a clothing store
Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks.

Outside a country shop
We buy junk and sell antiques.

In a Tacoma, Washington mens clothing store
15 mens wool suits – $100 – They wont last an hour!

In a Massachusetts parking area reserved for birdwatchers
Parking for birds only.

In the vestry of a New England church
Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is
extinguished

In a laundry room
Do not put wet clothes in dryers, as this can cause irreparable damage.

A sign seen on a restroom dryer at OHare Field in Chicago
Do not activate with wet hands.

In a New Hampshire jewelry store
Ears pierced while you wait.

In a New York restaurant
Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager.

A sign in an Asian seafood store in Madison, Wisconsin
Crap – .79/lb.

In a Florida maternity ward
No children allowed.

In the offices of a loan company
Ask about our plans for owning your home.

At a number of US military bases
Restricted to unauthorized personnel.

On a display of You are my one and only valentine cards
Now available in multi-packs

In the window of an Oregon general store
Why go elsewhere to be cheated, when you can come here?

In a Pennsylvania cemetary
Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own
graves.

On the grounds of a private school
No trespassing without permission.

In a library
Blotter paper will no longer be available until the public stops
taking it away.

On a Tennessee highway
Take notice: when this sign is under water, this road is impassable.

In front of a New Hampshire car wash
If you cant read this, its time you wash your car.

On a poster on a telephone pole in Oregon
Are you an adult that cannot read? If so, we can help.

A sign on top of a San Fransico drug store located across the street from
the Transbay bus terminal
Terminal Drugs

From the safety information card in America West Airline seat pocket
If you are sitting in an exit row and can not read this card, please tell
a crew member.

On a delicatessen wall
Our best is none too good

On a roller caoster
Watch your head

On a Maine shop
Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and
workmanship.

In downtown Boston
Callahan Tunnel / No end.

A sign on a front yard in York, Maine
Inexpensive, Quality Daycare – Openings Day and Night.