Sleeping around

A guy walks into a drugstore operated by a prudish woman.
He asks, Can I have a dozen condoms, miss?

Dont miss me, mister.

Well then, you better make it 13.

A traveling salesman walks into a bar and sees a farmer. Can you give
me a place to spend the night? he asks.

You can sleep in the barn, says the farmer, but whatever you do, dont
disturb my chicken.

The salesman thanks him and pulls a duck out of his pocket, which immediately
sits down and starts playing the piano.

We dont allow any farm animals in here, says the bartender.

Do you have any matches? asks the salesman.
Sure, says the bartender.

Good, says the salesman, now I can find the Mac truck and drive out.

Doing so, the salesman takes the farmer home, and goes to the barn. Once
there he sees this nest full of rice, which, for no good reason, he proceeds
to eat. The next day, he sees the farmers daughter (who is naturally stark
naked), and compliments her on the rice.

Oh that wasnt rice, says the naked farm girl. My fathers chicken died
two weeks ago. Those were maggots. Would you like some hot buttered corn?

No, says the salesman, But Id like some of those cheerios youre eating.

Oh, these arent Cheerios, says the farm girl, These are…

Never mind! says the salesman, and begins to leave.

Where are you going? says the farmgirl.

Im going to get to the other side, says the salesman.

Careful, says the farm girl. Thats how our chicken died. Please stay
and have some mung!

Whats mung? asks the salesman.

Its a long story, she replies.

– Franz Kafka

A boy is watching television and hears the name Jesus Christ. Wondering
who Jesus Christ is, he asks his mother. She tells him that she is
busy, and to ask his father. His father is also busy so he asks his
brother. His brother kicks him out of the room because he doesnt have
time to answer his stupid questions, so he goes downtown and sees a bum
in an alley. He asks the bum, Whos Jesus Christ? and the bum
replies, Well, I am. The boy, not believing the bum, asks for proof.
So the bum takes the boy into the bar down the street and takes him
inside. They walk up to the bar and the bartender exclaims, Jesus
Christ, are you in here again?

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