Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder…

3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who cant.

Why is abbreviation such a long word?

Dont use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.

Every morning is the dawn of a new error…

A flying saucer results when a nudist spills his coffee.

For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.

I can see clearly now, the brain is gone…

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

I used up all my sick days, so Im calling in dead.

Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay.

Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.

Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.

Id explain it to you, but your brain would explode.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.

I dont have a solution but I admire the problem.

Dont be so open-minded your brains will fall out.

If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!

Diplomacy is the art of saying Nice doggie!… till you can find a rock.

Diplomacy – the art of letting someone have your way.

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

If things get any worse, Ill have to ask you to stop helping me.

If I want your opinion, Ill ask you to fill out the necessary forms.

Its not hard to meet expenses, theyre everywhere.

Help Wanted: Telepathy. You know where to apply.

Look out for #1. Dont step in #2 either.

Budget: A method for going broke methodically.

Car service: If it aint broke, well break it.

Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.

Copywight 1994 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved.

Dain bramaged.

Department of Redundancy Department

What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.

Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.

COFFEE.EXE Missing – Insert Cup and Press Any Key

2 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.

Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.

My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.

C:WINDOWS C:WINDOWSGO C:PCCRAWL

C:DOS C:DOSRUN RUNDOSRUN

Best file compression around: DEL *.* = 100% compression

The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.

BREAKFAST.COM Halted…Cereal Port Not Responding

The name is Baud……, James Baud.

Access denied–nah nah na na