Southern Drawl

BARD – verb. Past tense of the infinitive to borrow.

Usage: My brother bard my pickup truck.

JAWJUH – noun. A highly flammable state just north of Florida.

Usage: My brother from Jawjah bard my pickup truck.

MUNTS – noun. A calendar division.

Usage: My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I aint herd from him in munts.

IGNERT – adjective. Not smart. See Auburn Alumni.

Usage: Them N-C-TWO-A boys sure are ignert!

RANCH – noun. A tool.

Usage: I think I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago.

ALL – noun. A petroleum-based lubricant.

Usage: I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck.

FAR – noun. A conflagration.

Usage: If my brother from Jawjuh doesnt change the all in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far.

YALL — noun. A degree of rotation.

Usage: There are three degrees of Southern rotation: Pitch, Roll, and Yall.

BAHS – noun. A supervisor.

Usage: If you dont stop reading these Southern words and git back to work, your bahs is gonna far you!

TAR – noun. A rubber wheel.

Usage: Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh doesnt git a flat tar in my pickup truck.

TIRE – noun. A tall monument.

Usage: Lord willing and the creeks dont rise, I sure do hope to see that Eifel Tire in Paris sometime.

HOT – noun. A blood-pumping organ.

HOD – adverb. Not easy.

Usage: A broken hot is hod to fix.

RETARD – Verb. To stop working.

Usage: My granpaw retard at age 65.

TARRED – adverb. Exhausted.

Usage: I just flew in from Hot-lanta, and boy my arms are tarred.

RATS – noun. Entitled power or privilege.

Usage: We Southerners are willing to fight for out rats.

(Todays Southern Word comes from a school teacher in Americas southern most state: Hawaii. As part of her class study of the War of Northern Aggression (known to Yankees at the Civil War), she showed her class the movie Gettysburg. The students wondered why the Confederacy was fighting for their rats. The answer, of course, is obvious: Southerners have very friendly rats … in fact, you could almost say that we have some downright civil rats.)

LOT – adjective. Luminescent.

Usage: I dream of Jeanie in the lot-brown hair.

FARN – adjective. Not local.

Usage: I cudnt unnerstand a wurd he sed … must be from some farn country.

DID – adjective. Not alive.

Usage: Hes did, Jim.

EAR – noun. A colorless, odorless gas (unless you are in LA).

Usage: He cant breathe … give em some ear!

BOB WAR – noun. A sharp, twisted cable.

Usage: Boy, stay away from that bob war fence.

JU-HERE – a question.

Usage: Juhere that former Dallas Cowboys coach Jimmy Johnson recently toured the University of Alabama?

HAZE – a contraction.

Usage: Is Bubba smart? Nah … haze ignert.

SEED – verb, past tense.

VIEW – contraction: verb and pronoun.

Usage: I aint never seed New York City … view?

HEAVY DEW – phrase. A request for action.

Usage: Kin I heavy dew me a favor?

WARSH – verb. To clean.

SQUARSH – noun. A vegetable (also verb – to flatten).

Usage: Warsh that squarsh, Bubba … you dont know where its been!

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