A man goes into a restaurant and orders soup. When the waiter brings
out the bowl he has his thumb stuck in the soup, but the customer decides to
let it go.

Would you like anything else? the waiter inquires. We have some very
good beef stew today.

Sounds good, says the customer. So the waiter goes off and comes
back with a plate of stew, and his thumb is in the stew. The customer is getting
angry now, but decides to hold his tongue.

How about some hot apple pie? asks the waiter.

Fine, says the customer. The waiter returns with his thumb stuck in
the pie. Now the customer is really getting furious.

Coffee? asks the waiter, and when the customer nods yes, he hurries
off. He returns with his thumb stuck in the cup of coffee. By now the customer
can no longer restrain himself.

What the hell do you think youre doing? Every time youve come to the
table youve had your thumb stuck in my food!

Ive got an infection and my doctor told me to keep my thumb in a hot,
moist place.

Why dont you just stick it up your ass?

Where do you think I put it when Im in the kitchen?

On their first date, Joe took Rose to the carnival. When he asked her
what she wanted to do first, Rose replied, Get weighed.

So Joe took her to the man with the scale who guesses your weight. He
looked at Rose and said, One hundred and twenty pounds. Since Rose weighed
in at one seventeen, she collected a prize.

Next they went on the roller coaster. When the ride was finished, Joe
asked Rose what she wanted to do next. Get weighed, she said. So they went
back to the man with the scale, who of course guessed Roses weight correctly.
Leaving without a prize, they went for a ride on the merry-go-round. After
they got off, Joe asked Rose what she wanted to do next. I want to get
weighed! she said again.

Now Joe began to think this girl was quite strange, and decided to end
the evening quickly. He left her at the door with a quick handshake.

Roses roommate was waiting up for her return and asked how the
evening went.

Wousy! Rose replied.

– Steve DiPirro