The TV is my shepherd, I shall not want.

It maketh me to lie down on the sofa;

It leadeth me away from faith;

It destroys my soul;

It leadeth me into the paths of sex and violence for the sponsors sake.

Yea, though I walk through the shadow of my Christian responsibilities,

there is no interruption, for the TV is with me;

Its cables and remote control, they comfort me.

It prepareth a commercial for me in the presence of my worldliness.

It annointeth my head with humanism and consumerism;

my coveting runneth over.

Surely, laziness and ignorance shall follow me all the days of my life,

and I shall dwell in the house,

just watching TV all the time.