The 8 Worst Convenience Foods

[From the Mens Health Magazine]

  1. Meeters Kraut Juice (Stokely USA): Yes, thats sauerkraut juice, which is even worse than it sounds. The taste and smell can be a bit, well, harsh, but KJ is reputed by its fans to have certain medicinal benefits (as a source of vitamin C, cure for intestinal bugs, etc.), which adds up to a classic case of the cure being worse than the disease.
  2. Guycan Corned Mutton with Juices Added (Bedessee Imports): The best thing about this Uruguayan canned good is the very pouty-looking sheep on the package label — he seems to be saying, Go on, eat me already. The second-best thing is the presence of both cooked mutton and mutton in the ingredients listing, which would seem to have all the mutton bases covered.
  3. Armour Pork Brains in Milk Gravy (Dial Corp.): If youre really looking to clog up those arteries in a hurry, youll be pleased to learn that a single serving of pork brains has 1,170 percent of our recommended daily cholesterol intake. All the more ingenious, then, that the label on this product helpfully features a recipe for brains and scrambled eggs.
  4. Sweet Sue Canned Whole Chicken (Sweet Sue Kitchens, Inc.): From its size (think growth-impaired Cornish hen) to its overall appearance (its stewed in a quivering mass of aspic goop), this product may change forever your idea of what constitutes a chicken. Gives new meaning to the old line about meat falling off the bone.
  5. Musk Life Savers (Nestle Confectionery): You may think musk is a scent, but over in Australia, they think its a candy flavor. A candy flavor that tastes disturbingly like raw meat, to be precise. But what did you expect from a country where eveyone happily consumes Vegemite?
  6. Blind Robins Smoked Ocean Herring (recently discontinued by Bar Food Products): Possibly the worlds most bizarre prepackaged tavern snack. Interestingly, the products titular robin isnt actually blind, hes blindfolded — the better, presumably, to avoid looking at these heavily salted herring strips, which look like giant slugs.
  7. Kylmänen Reindeer Pate (Kylmänen Oy): This Finnish canned good may not be particulary tasty, but at least it answers the age-old question of why Rudolph the Reindeer was so eager for that safe, steady job on Santas sleigh team — he didnt want to end up a cracker spread.
  8. Tengu Clam Jerky (Tengu Co.): Nothing youve ever consumed can prepare you for the horror that is clam jerky. Still, this product does score a sort of conceptual coup: If youre the sort whos always found raw clams too slimy and gelatinous for your taste, these dried, shriveled mollusks will help you dislike clams on a whole new level.

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