Joe Sensitive – After I wash the dishes, lets cuddle, okay?
Also Known As: Mr. Nice Guy, Family Man, Honey, Darling, Snugglepup
Advantages: Well-behaved; irons own shirts
Disadvantages: Irritatingly compassionate, wimpy
Old Man Grumpus – People are stupid. The world can go to hell. Lets stay home and watch TV.
Also Known As: Grumbles, Sour-Puss, Stick-in-the-Mud, Old Fogey, Jerk
Advantages: Stays put; predictable
Disadvantages: Pain in the butt
Flinchy – I–Im sorry for whatever it was I did.
Also Known As: Trembly, Creampuff, Hey you
Advantages: Jumps entertainingly when startled
Disadvantages: Easily spooked; surrenders without a struggle
Bigfoot – Shut yer trap, Im thinkin.
Also Known As: Lummox, Ignoramus, Galoot, The Hulk
Advantages: Can tote bales; is easily fooled
Disadvantages: Can break you in half, sweats like a pig
Lazybones – Zzzzzz
Also Known As: Lucky Dog, Parasite, Hobo, Bum, Sleepyhead
Advantages: Well rested; easy target
Disadvantages: Unlikely to fulfill your dreams
The Sneak – Who, me?
Also Known As: Love Pirate, Snake, Rat, Slime, SOB
Advantages: May feel pangs of guilt
Disadvantages: May be having time of his life
Ace of Hearts – After I wash the dishes lets make love like crazed weasels.
Also Known As: The Sizzler, Handyman, Dreamboat, Casanova
Advantages: Perpetually aroused
Disadvantages: Perpetually aroused
The Dreamer – Someday Im going to be rich and famous. I dont know how, but …
Also Known As: Struggling Artist, Philosopher, Story Teller, Fool
Advantages: Tells good stories
Disadvantages: Will turn into Old Man Grumpus
Mr. Right – While the servants wash the dishes, lets make love like crazed weasels in my new yacht.
Also Known As: Mr. Perfect, Jim Dandy
Advantages: Answer to a womans prayer
Disadvantages: Hunted to extinction