* Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids

* Bad: You cant find your birth control pills

* Ugly: Your daughter borrowed them

* Good: Your son studies a lot in his room

* Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there.

* Ugly: Youre in them

* Good: Your husband understands fashion

* Bad: Hes a cross-dresser

* Ugly: He looks better than you

* Good: Your sons finally maturing

* Bad: Hes involved with the woman next door

* Ugly: So are you

* Good: You give the birds and bees talk to your daughter

* Bad: She keeps interrupting

* Ugly: With corrections

* Good: Your wifes not talking to you

* Bad: She wants a divorce

* Ugly: Shes a lawyer

* Good: The postmans early

* Bad: Hes wearing fatigues and carrying an AK47

* Ugly: You gave him nothing for Christmas

* Good: Your daughter got a new job

* Bad: As a hooker

* Ugly: Your coworkers are her best clients

* Way ugly: She makes more money than you do

* Good: Youre son is dating someone new

* Bad: Its another man

* Ugly: Hes youre best friend

* Good: Youre wife is pregnant.

* Bad: Its triplets

* Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago.