I just had to share this. Returning from a recent business trip I listened to a slightly unusual inflight safety lecture. Below are some of the bits I managed to remember …

Please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable position.

There are 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane …

Your seat cushions can be used for floatation, and in the event of a water landing, please take them with our compliments.

And, after landing:

Thank-you for flying Delta Business Express, we hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.