If you are a cartoon character, have friends or relatives who are cartoon characters, or are a cartoon character sympathizer… please delete this message now. (grin)

I will not defame New Orleans
I will not waste chalk
I will not skateboard in the halls
I will not burp in class
I will not instigate a revolution
I will not draw naked ladies in class
I did not see Elvis
I will not call my teacher Hot Cakes
Garlic gum is not funny
They are laughing at me, not with me
I will not yell fire in a crowded classroom
I will not encourage others to fly
I will not fake my way through life
Tar is not a plaything
I will not Xerox my butt
I will not trade my pants with others
I will not do that thing with my tongue
I will not drive the principals car
I will not pledge allegiance to Bart
I will not sell school property
I will not cut corners
I will not get very far with this attitude
I will not make flatulent noises in class
I will not belch the National Anthem
I will not sell land in Florida
I will not grease the monkey bars
I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment
I will not do anything bad ever again
I will not show off {Written in an Old English font}
I will not sleep through my education
I am not a dentist
Spitwads are not free speech
Nobody likes sunburn slappers
High explosives and school dont mix
I will not bribe Principal Skinner
I will finish what I sta
Hamsters cannot fly
Underwear should be worn on the inside
The Christmas pageant does not stink
I will not torment the emotionally frail
I will not carve gods
I will not spank others
I will not aim for the head
I will not barf unless I am sick
I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty
I saw nothing unusual in the teachers [sic] lounge
I will not conduct my own fire drills
Funny noises are not funny
I will not snap bras
I will not fake seizures
This punishment is not boring and meaningless
My name is not Dr. Death
I will not prescribe medication
I will not bury the new kid
I will not bring sheep to class
A burp is not an answer
Teacher is not a leper
I will not eat things for money
I will not yell Shes dead! during roll call
The principals toupee is not a frisbee
I will not squeak chalk
Goldfish do not bounce
Mud is not one of the 4 food groups