10
Nov

Universal employee evaluation translator

With the advent of the new year, many employees are faced with the dreaded Annual Evaluation. Perhaps these lists will assist ya in in determining what your boss is really trying to say:

AVERAGE
Not too bright

SLIGHTLY BELOW AVERAGE
Dumb as a rock

EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED
Has committed no major blunders lately

ZEALOUS ATTITUDE
Highly Opinionated

STRONG ADHERENCE TO PRINCIPLES
Stubborn as Hell

TAKES GREAT PRIDE IN WORK
Conceited

REQUIRES WORK-VALUE COUNSELING AT TIMES
Lazy and hard-headed

CHARACTER ABOVE REPROACH
Hasnt been arrested or caught stealing lately

HAPPY AND CONTENT w/POSITION
Paid way too much

UNLIMITED POTENTIAL
Were stuck with them until retirement

IS UNUSUALLY LOYAL
Wanted by no other unit/dept

SHOULD GO FAR
Termination papers have been filed

QUICK THINKING
Offers plausible excuses for errors

VERY CREATIVE
Finds reasons to do anything except work

HARD WORKER
Does everything the hard way

OF GREAT VALUE TO THE ORGANIZATION
Generally turns in work on time

WELL ORGANIZED
Does too much busywork

USES TIME EFFECTIVELY
Clock watcher

APPROACHES DIFFICULT PROBLEMS WITH LOGIC
Usually finds someone else to do the job

USES RESOURCES WELL
Attempts to delegate everything

A KEEN ANALYST
Spends hours rereading memos

NOT A DESK PERSON
Cant ever be located

EXCELLENT COMPUTER SKILLS
Always on the Internet

ALERT TO COMPANY DEVELOPMENTS
An office gossip

EXPRESSES SELF WELL
Can string two-three sentences together

SPENDS EXTRA HOURS ON THE JOB
Miserable home life

CONSCIENTIOUS AND CAREFUL
Scared for their job

METICULOUS IN ATTENTION TO DETAIL
A nitpicker

DEMONSTRATES QUALITIES OF LEADERSHIP
Has a loud voice

JUDGEMENT IS USUALLY SOUND
Lucky

MAINTAINS PROFESSIONAL ATTITUDE
A snob

KEEN SENSE OF HUMOR
Knows lots of dirty jokes

ACTIVE SOCIALLY
Drinks heavily

CANNOT FAULT DEMEANOR
Passed last drug test

ENJOYS JOB
Needs more to do

GETS ALONG EXTREMELY WELL WITH SUPERIORS
A buck-passer

CONSULTS WITH SUPERVISOR OFTEN
Pain in the ass

TAKES ADVANTAGE OF EVERY OPPORTUNITY TO PROGRESS
General butt kisser

INDIFFERENT TO INSTRUCTION
Knows more than supervisors

TACTFUL IN DEALING WITH SUPERIORS
Knows when to keep mouth shut

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