Ways To Annoy A Yankee

Take your own sweet time when doing ANYTHING.

Pronounce all one-syllable words with two.

When giving directions, finish with and its right down yonder
on the left. Confuses the mess out of em.

Talk REAL slow, and ask them to speak more slowly so you can
understand what theyre saying.

When they talk nostalgically about the North, tell em Deltas
ready when you are!

Talk loudly and often about SEC football or ACC basketball.

Refer to every soft drink as a Coke.

Always order sweet tea and/or grits. When they dont have it,
raise a ruckus.

Offer to send em a bottle of fresh air.

Insist on being addressed by your first AND middle names. (e.g.
Lisa Marie — John Michael — Jim Bob. . .you get the idea)

Frequently bring up The War of Northern Aggression in
conversation. If anyone ever says the words Civil War, always
interject that there was nothing civil about it.

Address all males as son and females as little lady.

Correct their pronunciation of certain words. For example: Its
Pah-kahn not Pee-can.

Put Tabasco on everything.

For New York Yankees: Act as if the whole state of New York is
New York City. In other words, if they say Yo, Im from upstate New
Yoik! say Well, Ill be darned, my wife has always wanted to see a
Broadway show!

When invited to dinner, offer to bring dessert. Show up with a
box of Moon Pies. . .preferably the banana ones.

Name all of your children Bubba. (or just call em that!)

Use the word reckon in a sentence and watch their reaction.

Mash buttons. Cut off lights. Carry the kids to school.

Never simply do something. Be fixin to do something.

Tell them you dont have an accent, they do.

Be sure to include yes/no maam/sir in all
conversations… Offends the heck out of em.

Only use landmarks and ramble on when giving directions. Now go
down Jeff Davis Highway and turn left at where the Chevron station
used to be. I think they turned it into a Amoco. Or maybe a BP.
Anyway, turn right there… You said left. Did I? Well, turn
left there and follow it until you see a big fish on your left. I
remember when that fish used to be on the other side of town..

Ask them if its still snowing up North. Then tell em you
went driving around in your convertible this weekend.

Call em a yankee. Works every time.

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