A man is sitting at the bar in his local tavern, furiously imbibing shots of whiskey. His best friend happens to come into the bar and sees him. Ben,says the shocked friend, what are you doing? Ive known you for over fifteen years, and Ive never seen you take a drink before. Whats going on?

Without even taking his eyes off his newly filled shot glass, the man replies, My wife just ran off with my best friend. He then throws back another shot of whisky in one gulp. But, says the other man, *Im* your best friend!

The man turns to his friend, looks at him through bloodshot eyes, smiles, and then slurs, Not anymore! **HE** is!

The state patrol car FINALLY got the speeding car to stop, and the cop asked, Buddy, why didnt you stop when I turned on my flashing lights? Did you think that you could outrun ME?

Im sorry, officer. But, last week, my wife ran off with a policeman, and I was afraid you was him trying to bring her back!