Windows 98 Recall

It has come to our attention that a few copies of the West Virginia edition of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside West Virginia. If you have one of the West Virginia editions you may need some help understanding the commands. The West Virginia edtion may be recognized by looking at the opening screen. It reads WINDERS 98 with a background picture of General Lee superimposed on a Confederate flag. It is shipped with a Daisy Duke screen saver. Also note:

The Recycle Bin is labeled Outhouse

My Computer is called This Infernal Contraption

Dialup Networking is called Good Ol Boys

Control Panel is known as the Dern Dashboard

Hard Drive is referred to as Four Wheel Drive

Floppies are them little ole plastic disc thangs.

And instead of an error message, you get a winder covered with a garbage bag and duct tape.

Other features:

OK = ats aww-right

cancel = hail no

reset = awa shoot

yes D shore

no = naaaaa

find = hunt-fer it

go to = over yonder

help = hep me out here

stop = ternit off

start = crank it up

settings = sittins

programs = stuff at does stuff

documents = stuff I done done

Also note that winders 98 does not recognize capital letters or punctuation marks.

Some programs that are exclusive to WINDERS 98:

tiperiter = a word processor

colering book = a graphics program

addin mershene = calculator

scratch paper = notepad

jupe-box = CD player

inner-net = microsoft explorer

pichers = a graphics viewer

IRS = M/S accounting software

IRS2 = M/S accounting sofware with hidden files

coon dog = American Kennel Club records

fishin = Bass Anglers Sportsman Society records

NRA = National Rifle Association

shot gun = Remington arms price list

riffel = Winchester price list

pisstel = Smith and Wesson price list

truck = Ford and Chevrolet dealers in Kentucky by zip code

house = nearest mobile home repair service by zip code

car = same as truck

cuzzins = family history (usuall a 3 meg file)

tax records = usually an empty file

shells ammunition inventory (another 3 meg file)

bud = list of Budweiser sellers by zip code

racin = NASCAR racing schedule includes a list of tv stations that carry the races car n truck parts = nearest junk yard by zip code

doc = vetrinarians by zip code

We regret any inconvenience it may have cause if you received a copy of the West Virginia edition. You may return it to Micrsosoft for a replacement version

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