You know youre unloved if …

• when you were born, your Father gave out old cigar butts

• as a baby, your Father threw you in the air and walked away

• you find out your Mother is nursing another baby on the side

• your tub toys included a toaster shaped like a rubber duck

• your folks threw a going-into-the-Army party when you were 3

• you run away, and the family cant give the Police a description

• you were always stood-up at the Father-Son banquet at Church

• kidnappers send back your ear & your parents demand more proof

• you play hide & seek with Mom and she hides in another town

• your parents take you to an orphanage and tell you to mingle

• you had to share your sandbox with the cat

• you always got your allowance in Travelers Checks

• you join the marching band in school and they give you a piano

• you take a girl to the Tunnel of Love & she makes you swim

• you were the only candidate for Class President & came in fifth

• the only thing your girl wants out of your relationship is her

• your kids file a paternity suit against you

• the surgeon operating on you says, Ill take all calls.