This was written by Tom Annau, an undergrad working in my lab here
at Stanford.

Aesops fables and other traditional childrens stories involve
allegory far too subtle for the youth of today. Children need
an updated message with contemporary circumstance and plot line,
and short enough to suit todays minute attention span.

The Troubled Aardvark

Once upon a time, there was an aardvark whose only pleasure in life
was driving from his suburban bungalow to his job at a large brokerage
house in his brand new 4×4. He hated his manipulative boss, his
conniving and unethical co-workers, his greedy wife, and his sniveling,
spoiled children. One day, the aardvark reflected on the meaning of
his life and his career and on the unchecked, catastrophic decline of
his nation, its pathetic excuse for leadership, and the complete
ineffectiveness of any personal effort he could make to change the
status quo. Overcome by a wave of utter depression and self-doubt,
he decided to take the only course of action that would bring
him greater comfort and happiness: he drove to the mall and bought
imported consumer electronics goods.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Invest in foreign consumer electronics
manufacturers.