Old and New Jokes

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Button!
Button who?
Button in is not polite!

Yo mama so fat shes on both sides of the family!

Customer: (to bartender)
My wife and I just got into a knock down, drag out fight!

Bartender: What happened?

Customer: When it was all over, she came crawling to me on her hands and knees!

Bartender: Wow! What did she say?

Customer: She said, come out from under that bed right now you coward or Ill kick your butt again!!

Two cowboys are out riding and are ambushed by Indians.

They are taken back to camp and tied up. The chief says to the first man, Death or goomy goomy.

The man not wanting to die said, Goomy goomy.

So the tribe of Indians took the first man and sodomized him repeatedly.

The first man was drug back and tied to his post as his body hung limp.

Then the chief approached the second man, Death or goomy goomy.

Not wanting to go through the ordeal the first man had gone through, he said I shall take death!

The chief stepped back and said, Good, then death it shall be. Death by goomy goomy!

Una madre acude al ginecólogo con sus dos hijas de 13 y 20 años respectivamente.

¿Qué la trae, por la clínica?, pregunta el galeno.

Mis hijas y yo, doctor.

Veamos, cuénteme.

Doctor, mi hija menor tiene los senos duros como limones.

¿Cómo? A ver…

Mire, doctor.

Y le muestra los senos de la niña.

Después de inspeccionar por cinco minutos, el médico expone:

Sí, señora, duritos, duritos, como limoncitos.

Mi hija mayor, también los tiene duritos, como pomelos.

El facultativo rápidamente inspecciona y luego de diez minutos le comunica a la madre:

Sí, señora, duritos, duritos, como pomelos.

¡Y yo, mire mis senos como melones, duritos, duritos!, dice la madre mientras echa fuera sus senos.

El especialista inspecciona a la madre durante medía hora (con los ojos en blanco, el pobre).

Doctor, dígame ¿que podrá ser?

¡No sé, señora…!

Y agitado continúa:

Debe ser un mal de frutas, porque ¡mire como tengo el plátano: durito, durito!

T-shirt in the 21st century – Disco still sucks

The only one who ever got anything done by Friday was Robinson Crusoe.

A blonde buys two horses and she cant tell them apart. So she asks the farmer next door what to do. He says to cut one of their tails off. So she does. But then the other horses tail gets caught in a bush and rips off. So she cant tell them apart again. She asks the farmer for advice a second time. He tells her to cut one of the horses ears. So she does. But then the other horse gets its ear ripped in a barbed wire fence. She is still confused. She asks the farmer what to do. He tells her to measure them. She comes back and says, "The white horse is 2 inches taller than the black horse!"

Across the road walks a man. Seeing the man too late he hits him. The force of the collission drives the mans body into the bumper so that the man is stuck to the truck, half of his body hangs under the trucks wheels. The driver desperately tries to get rid of the body by driving foward and backwards, but the body sits. Further down the road sits a traffic officer and after a while he notices this truck. He stands up and makes his way to the truck. Ariving he indicates that the driver must stop and open his window. Opening the window the officer ask: Excuse me sir, is the pedestrian bothering you?