Bad Things to Hear on an Airplane

10. This is your captain speaking and I dont feel that life is worth living anymore.
9. Were cruising at an altitude of… ah, hell, I dont know.
8. Could somebody come up here and tell me what this button does?
7. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Just kidding.
6. Would a flight attendant bring me a martini? And keep em coming!
5. This is…uh…this is…uh…your…hmm. I seem to have lost my memory.
4. Passengers on the left side of the plane — does that engine sound funny to you?
3. Welcome aboard flight 109 — you bunch of jerks!
2. Good God, Steve! Were going to crash! Oops — is this intercom on?
1. Well be on the ground in 10 minutes. One way or another.

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