Old Jokes | New Jokes

1. You get this one, next round is on me.

(We wont be here long enough to get another round.)

2. Ill get this one, next one is on you.

(Happy hour is about to end…drafts are now a dollar, but by the next round theyll be $4.50 a pop.)



3. Hey, where is that friend of yours?

(I have no interest in talking to you except as a way to get your attractive friend into a compromising position.)



4. Can I get a glass of white zinfandel. (female)

(Im easy.)



5. Can I get a glass of white zinfandel. (male)

(Im gay.)



6. Ever try a body shot? (male to female)

(I am even willing to drink tequila if it means that I get to lick you.)



7. Ever try a body shot? (female to male)

(If this is how wild I am in the bar, imagine what Ill do to you on the ride home?)



8. I dont feel well, lets go home. (female)

(You are paying more attention to your friends than me.)



9. I dont feel well, lets go home. (male)

(Im horny.)



10. Whos got the next round?

(I havent bought a round in almost 3 years, but I am an expert at diverting attention.)



11. Excuse Me. (male to male)

(Get the hell out of the way.)



12. Excuse Me. (male to female)

(I am going to grope you now.) (Editors Note - one of my personal favorites)



13. Excuse Me. (female to male)

(Dont even think about groping me, just get the hell out of the way.)



14. Excuse Me. (female to female)

(Move your fat ass. Who do you think you are anyway? You are not all that, missy, and dont think for one minute that you are. Coming in here dressing like a ho… Get your eyes off of my man, or Ill slap you, bitch, like the slut you are.)



15. What do you have on tap?

(Whats cheap?)



16. Can I have a white Russian? (male)

(Im *really* gay.)



17. Can I have a white Russian? (female)

(Im *really* easy.)



18. That person looks really familiar.

(Did I sleep with him/her?)



19. Can I just get a glass of water? (female)

(Im annoying, but cute enough to get away with this.)



20. I dont have my ID on me. (female)

(Im 19.)



21. I dont have my ID on me. (male)

(I dont have a license since I got pulled over and blew a 0.4 after my last visit here)