During a recent publicity outing, Hillary sneaked off to visit a fortune teller of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news.

Theres no easy way to say this, so Ill just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year.

Visibly shaken, Hillary stared at the womans lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know. She met the fortune tellers gaze, steadied her voice, and asked her question. Will I be acquitted?