17
May

Corporate Lingo

COMPETITIVE SALARY
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

JOIN OUR FAST-PACED TEAM
We have no time to train you.

CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE
We dont pay enough to expect that youll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED
Youll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED
Some time each night and some time each weekend.

DUTIES WILL VARY
Anyone in the office can boss you around.

MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL
We have no quality control.

CAREER-MINDED
Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

APPLY IN PERSON
If youre old, fat or ugly youll be told the position has been filled.

NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE
Weve filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE
Youll need it to replace three people who just left.

PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST
Youre walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS
Youll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS
Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.

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