1. Bring a CPR dummy to class and announce that it will be the teaching assistant for the semester. Assign it an office and office hours.

2. Point the overhead projector at the class. Demand each students name, rank, and serial number.

3. Tell students that youll fail them if they cheat on exams or fake the funk.

4. Announce that you need to deliver two lectures that day, and deliver them in rapid-fire auctioneer style.

5. Pick out random students, ask them questions, and time their responses with a stop watch. Record their times in your grade book while muttering tsk, tsk.

6. Wear a hood with one eyehole. Periodically make strange gurgling noises.

7. Sneeze on students in the front row and wipe your nose on your tie.

8. After confirming everyones names on the roll, thank the class for attending Advanced Astrodynamics 690 and mention that yesterday was the last day to drop.

9. After turning on the overhead projector, clutch your chest and scream MY PACEMAKER!

10. Wear a pointed Kaiser helmet and a monocle and carry a riding crop.