If men ruled the world would be different

– Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to I love you.

– Hallmark would make Sorry, what was your name again? cards.

– When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she would appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during half-time.

– Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack on the bum would pretty much do it.

– Birth control could come in ale or lager.

– The funniest guy in the office would get to be the big boss.

– Sorry Im late, I got hammered last night, would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.

– Itd be considered harmless fun to gather 30 friends, put on horned helmets, and go pillage a nearby town.

– Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the public ugliness ordinance.

– Tanks would be far easier to rent.

– Instead of beer belly, youd get beer biceps.

– Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, Youre No. 1.

– Valentines Day would be moved to February 29.

– Cops would be broadcast live and you could phone in advice to the pursuing cops. Or to the crooks.

– The victors in any athletic competition would get to kill and eat the losers.

– The only show opposite Friday Night Football would be Friday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle.

– It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of petrol.

– Every man would get four real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year.

– When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-alec answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine, as in:

Cop: You know how fast you were going?

You: All I know is that I was spilling my beer all over the place.

Cop: Nice one. Thats $10 off.