Man – A Chemical Analysis

Element: Man

Symbol: Ah (short for Asshole)

Quantitative: Accepted at 7 inches though some
isotopes can be as short as 4 inches.

Discoverer: Eve (discovered by accident one day
when she had a craving for ribs)

Occurrence: Found following duel element Wo,
often in high concentration near a perfect Wo specimen.

Physical properties

Surface often covered with hair bristly in some areas, soft in others.
Boils when inconvenienced, freezes when faced with Logic and Common
melts if treated like a God.
Obnoxious when mixed with C*H*-OH (any alcohol).
Can cause headaches and severe body aches; handle with extreme caution.
Tends to fall into very low energy state directly after reaction with
Gains considerable mass as specimen ages, loses reactive nature.
Specimens can be found in various states ranging from deeply sensitive
extremely thick.
Rarely found in pure form after 14th year.
When pressure is applied, becomes stiff and unyielding; yields only
subtlety, subterfuge, flattery are applied

Chemical properties

All forms desire reaction with Wo, even when no further reaction
is possible.
May react with several Wo isotopes in short period under extremely
favorable conditions.
Most powerful embittering and aggravating agent known to Wo.
Usually willing to react with whatever is available.
Reaction Rates range from aborted/non-existent to pre-interaction
(which tend to turn the specimen bright red.)
Reaction styles vary from extremely slow, calm and wet to
When saturated with alcohols, will be fairly inert and will repel
most other elements.
Is repelled by most household appliances and common household
Is repelled by small children clothed in diapers, particularly those of
malodorous variety.
Is neutral to common courtesy and fairness.


Best results apparently near 18 for high reaction rate, 25-35 for
reaction style.
Heavy boxes, top shelves, long walks late at night, free dinners for
Can be used in recreational activities.


Pure specimen will rarely reveal purity, while reacted specimens
information on many wavelengths.


Tends to react extremely violently when other Man interferes
with reaction to a particular Wo specimen.
Otherwise very malleable under correct conditions.

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