Source: Colleague at Wash. Dept. of Info. Services, Olympia, Washington

o Trust everybody … then cut the cards.

o Two wrongs are only the beginning.

o If at first you dont succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

o To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.

o Exceptions prove the rule … and wreck the budget.

o Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.

o Quality assurance doesnt.

o The tough part of a Data Processing Managers job is that users dont really
know what they want, but they know for certain what they dont want.

o Exceptions always outnumber rules.

o To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

o No one is listening until you make a mistake.

o He who hesitates is probably right.

o The ideal resume will turn up one day after the position is filled.

o If something is confidential, it will be left in the copier machine.

o One child is not enough, but two children are far too many.

o A clean tie attracts the soup of the day.

o The hardness of the butter is in direct proportion to the softness of the
bread.

o The bag that breaks is the one with the eggs.

o When there are sufficient funds in the checking account, checks take two
weeks to clear. When there are insufficient funds, checks clear overnight.

o The book you spent $20.95 for today will come out in paperback tomorrow.

o The more an item costs, the farther you have to send it for repairs.

o You never want the one you can afford.

o Never ask the barber if you need a haircut or a salesman if his is a good
price.

o If it says, one size fits all, it dosent fit anyone.

o You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

o The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.

o Love letters, business contracts and money due you always arrive three
weeks late, whereas junk mail arrives the day it was sent.

o When you drop change at a vending machine, the pennies will fall nearby,
while all other coins will roll out of sight.

o The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

o Experience is somthing you dont get until just after you need it.

o Life can be only understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.

o Interchangeable parts wont.

o No matter which way you go, its uphill and against the wind.

o If enough data is collected, anything may be proven by statistical methods.

o Work is accomplished by those employees who have not reached their level of
incompetence.

o Progress is made on alternative Fridays.

o No mans life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in
session.

o The hidden flaw never remains hidden.

o As soon as the stewardess serves the coffee, the airline re-encounters
turbulence.

o For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

o People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either of
them being made.

o A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

o When reviewing your notes for a test, the most important ones will be
illegible.

o A free agent is anything but.

o The least experienced fisherman always catches the biggest fish.

o Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

o The one item you want is never the one on sale.

o The telephone will ring when you are outside the door, fumbling for your
keys.

o If only one price can be obtained for a quotation, the price will be
unreasonable.