23
Apr

More of Murphys Laws

Source: Colleague at Wash. Dept. of Info. Services, Olympia, Washington


o Trust everybody … then cut the cards.


o Two wrongs are only the beginning.


o If at first you dont succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.


o To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.


o Exceptions prove the rule … and wreck the budget.


o Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.


o Quality assurance doesnt.


o The tough part of a Data Processing Managers job is that users dont really
know what they want, but they know for certain what they dont want.


o Exceptions always outnumber rules.


o To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.


o No one is listening until you make a mistake.


o He who hesitates is probably right.


o The ideal resume will turn up one day after the position is filled.


o If something is confidential, it will be left in the copier machine.


o One child is not enough, but two children are far too many.


o A clean tie attracts the soup of the day.


o The hardness of the butter is in direct proportion to the softness of the
bread.


o The bag that breaks is the one with the eggs.


o When there are sufficient funds in the checking account, checks take two
weeks to clear. When there are insufficient funds, checks clear overnight.


o The book you spent $20.95 for today will come out in paperback tomorrow.


o The more an item costs, the farther you have to send it for repairs.


o You never want the one you can afford.


o Never ask the barber if you need a haircut or a salesman if his is a good
price.


o If it says, one size fits all, it dosent fit anyone.


o You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.


o The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.


o Love letters, business contracts and money due you always arrive three
weeks late, whereas junk mail arrives the day it was sent.


o When you drop change at a vending machine, the pennies will fall nearby,
while all other coins will roll out of sight.


o The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.


o Experience is somthing you dont get until just after you need it.


o Life can be only understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.


o Interchangeable parts wont.


o No matter which way you go, its uphill and against the wind.


o If enough data is collected, anything may be proven by statistical methods.


o Work is accomplished by those employees who have not reached their level of
incompetence.


o Progress is made on alternative Fridays.


o No mans life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in
session.


o The hidden flaw never remains hidden.


o As soon as the stewardess serves the coffee, the airline re-encounters
turbulence.


o For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.


o People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either of
them being made.


o A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.


o When reviewing your notes for a test, the most important ones will be
illegible.


o A free agent is anything but.


o The least experienced fisherman always catches the biggest fish.


o Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.


o The one item you want is never the one on sale.


o The telephone will ring when you are outside the door, fumbling for your
keys.


o If only one price can be obtained for a quotation, the price will be
unreasonable.

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