(The PBS American Masters series did a show on Mort Sahl, who had
these anecdotes about Alexander Haig:)

Haig offered Sahl a Cuban cigar, whereupon Sahl wondered how an
anti-communist such as Haig could be supporting Cuba by smoking their
cigars. Haig replied that he preferred to think of it as burning their
crops to the ground.

Sahl and Haig were discussing Henry Kissinger. Sahl mentioned that, of
course, Kissinger could not be the US President since he was not born
in the US. Haig said, no, thats a common misconception, Kissinger was
born in the US. How did he get that accent? asked Sahl. Haig
replied, From never listening to anybody.