12
Jul

New Office Lingo

Blame storming – sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible.
Beepilepsy – The brief seizure people sometimes suffer when their beepers go off, especially in vibrator mode. Characterized by physical spasms, goofy facial expressions, and stopping speech in mid sentence.
Cube farm – an office filled with cubicles.
Ego surfing – scanning the Net, databases, print media etc. looking for references to ones own name.
Prairie dogging – something loud happens in a cube farm, and peoples heads pop up over the walls to see whats going on.
Idea hamsters – people who always seem to have their idea generators running.
Mouse potato – the on-line generations answer to the couch potato.
Ohnosecond – that minuscule fraction of time in which you realize youve just made a big mistake.
SITCOM – stands for Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage.
Stress puppy – a person who thrives on being stressed out and whiny.
Dilberted – To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived from the experiences of Dilbert, the geek-in-hell comic strip character. Ive been dilberted again. The old man revised the specs for the fourth time this week.
CGI Joe – A hard-core CGI script programmer with all the social skills and charisma of a plastic action figure.
Dorito Syndrome – Feelings of emptiness and dissatisfaction triggered by addictive substances that lack nutritional content. I just spent six hours surfing the Web, and now Ive got a bad case of Dorito Syndrome.
Under Mouse Arrest – Getting busted for violating an on-line services code of conduct. Sorry I couldnt get back to you. AOL put me under mouse arrest.
Glazing – Corporate speak for sleeping with your eyes open. A popular pastime at conferences and early morning meetings. Didnt he notice that half the room was glazing by the second session?
Dead Tree Edition – The paper version of a publication available in both paper and electronic forms, as in: The dead tree edition of the San Francisco Chronicle…
Graybar Land – The place you go while youre staring at a computer thats processing something very slowly (while you watch the gray bar creep across the screen). I was in graybar land for what seemed like hours, thanks to that CAD rendering.
Open Collar Workers – People who work at home or telecommute.
Squirt The Bird – To transmit a signal up to a satellite. Crew and talent are ready…what time do we squirt the bird?
Cobweb Site – A World Wide Web Site that hasnt been updated for a long time. A dead web page.
Its a Feature – From the adage Its not a bug, its a feature. Used sarcastically to describe an unpleasant experience that you wish to gloss over.
Keyboard Plaque – The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on computer keyboards. Are there any other terminals I can use? This one has a bad case of keyboard plaque.
Alpha Geek – The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office or work group. Ask Larry, hes the alpha geek around here.
Adminisphere – The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
Gray Matter – Older, experienced business people hired by young entrepreneurial firms looking to appear more reputable and established.
Salmon Day – The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed in the end.
Chainsaw consultant – an outside expert brought in to reduce the employee head count, leaving the top brass with clean hands.
404 – someone who is clueless, from the World Wide Web error message 404 Not Found, meaning the requested document couldnt be located. Dont bother asking him, hes 404.
Elvis year – the peak year of somethings popularity, Barney the dinosaurs Elvis year was 1993.

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