These are all from a newspaper feature article in the San Francisco
Chronicle Datebook, March 5, 1989, though Ive heard at least three
of the one-liners on the radio or TV. I dont feel too bad about
extracting the best lines, since thats what the writer did with the
comics. The entire article is a full page; these are just a few of
the lines.

Offensive to Moslems/Iranians and bookburners, of course.

From the San Francisco Chronicle Datebook section, March 5, 1989,
The Satanic Verses–Comics Laugh It Off

(The names are Bay Area or nationally-known stand-up comics…)

Khomeinis idea of opening up to the West means allowing
non-Muslims to hunt Rushdie. –Don Stevens

[Commenting on small nightclub crowd] This looks like a Salman
Rushdie book-signing party. –Fred Reuss

If there were a $6 million bounty on me, Id kill myself just for the
reward. For that much, I think the Muscular Dystrophy people ought to
go after him. –David Feldman

If Rushdies book got Khomeini mad, wait till he sees the swimsuit
edition of the Koran. –Johnny Carson

[Shaking his head] …and wait until Khomeini finds out Safeway
carries pork. –Bob Lacey

[Answering machine tape] Were not here right now; weve gone to
England to kill Salman Rushdie. –Alex Reid

I translated The Satanic Verses into Spanish, and now theres a
10 million-peso price on my head. What an insult; Im worth more than
a nickel. –Jose Simon