24
Sep

The Five Stages of Drunkenness

Stage 1 – SMART
This is when you suddenly become an expert on every
subject in the known Universe. You know you know
everything and want to pass on your knowledge to anyone
who will listen. At this stage you are always RIGHT. And of
course the person you are talking to is very WRONG. This
makes for an interesting argument when both parties are
SMART.

Stage 2 – GOOD LOOKING
This is when you realise that you are the BEST LOOKING
person in the entire bar and that people fancy you. You
can go up to a perfect stranger knowing they fancy you
and really want to talk to you.
Bear in mind that you are still SMART, so you can talk to
this person about any subject under the sun.

Stage 3 – RICH
This is when you suddenly become the richest person in
the world. You can buy drinks for the entire bar because
you have an armoured truck full of money parked behind
the bar. You can also make bets at this stage, because of
course, you are still SMART, so naturally you
will win all your bets. It doesnt matter how much you bet
that you fancy, because now you are the BEST LOOKING
person in the world.

Stage 4 – BULLET PROOF
You are now ready to pick fights with anyone and
everyone especially those with whom you have been
betting or arguing. This is because nothing can hurt you.
At this point you can also go up to the partners
of the people who you fancy and challenge to a battle of
wits or money. You have no fear of losing this battle
because you are SMART, you are RICH and hell, youre
BETTER LOOKING than they are anyway!

Stage 5 – INVISIBLE
This is the Final Stage of Drunkenness. At this point you
can do anything because NO ONE CAN SEE YOU. You
dance on a table to impress the people who you fancy
because the rest of the people in the room cannot see you.
You are also invisible to the person who wants to
fight you. You can walk through the street singing at the
top of your lungs because no one can see or hear you and
because youre still SMART you know all the words.

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