07
Sep

The Soldier

There was a soldier that enlisted in the army to go to war. On the first day they were lining up for guns. He was toward the end of the line and, when they got to him the supply sergeant said they didnt have any more guns, so they gave him a broom and told him to point it at people and say,“Bangitty bangitty bang!” So he thought, “Oh great, I come out here to fight for my country and they give me a broom.”
Then the next day they were lining up for bayonets and he was at the back of the line again. And when they got to him, again he was told they didnt have any left, so they gave the soldier a carrot and told him to tie it to the end of his broom, stab people with it and say,Stabitty stabitty stab. And he thought, “Yeah great, Im gonna go out there and get killed. Just what I always wanted.”
So when they went out on the battlefield, the soldier walked out there and decided hed at least try it out, rather than just stand there and be killed. So he went up to someone and said, “Bangitty bangitty bang!” and the guy fell over dead. So he thought, “My God! This actually works!
” He went up to another person and said, “Stabitty stabitty stab” and, again, the guy died. So he went around killing people with his broomstick and his carrot, thinking, “Wow! This is so cool!”
Then he sees this guy standing all by himself and the soldier thinks, “Easy target. Im going to go get him.” So he goes over there and says, “Bangitty bangitty bang,” and nothing happens. He goes closer and does it again and still nothing happens. So the soldier thinks, “Oh no! It must be out of bullets! But how do you reload a broom?” So he gets closer and says Stabbety stabbety stab.“Stabitty stabbity stab.” And still nothing happens. But then the guy he was trying to kill ran over him! And, as he was running over the soldier, he said, “Tankitty tankitty tank.”

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