04
Jun

Things To Do To Your Roommate

Take all the chip bags… open them… lick all the chips of their flavor and put them back in the bag…



hide one of their shoes every day for about a week…



Keep your room real messy for a few weeks. Clean it while your roommate is out. Leave before they come back. Arrive after them and then angrily accuse them of cleaning up your room.



Take all of the hair out of their brush and stick it to the wall with scotch tape.



Insist on cleaning their fingernails for them every night.



Crumple empty chip bags the whole time your roommate is home.



Make a shine dedicated to them.



Whistle one line of a song and repeat it for 3 days, then pick a new line.



Play Scottish music 24 hours a day full blast.



Every night at midnight, stick your head out the window and scream GO AWAY MONSTERS! GO AWAY! Do this every night for 6 weeks.



Sniff their underwear while theyre still wearing it.



Buy fish and a fish tank. Dye the water with food coloring. Talk to the fish and giggle often while staring at your roommate.



Tie all your socks up in knots. Hang them from the ceiling. Count them every time you walk in the room.



Every time your roommate walks in the room, shake their hand and smile sweetly. If they refuse, wipe the smile off your face, clench your teeth and growl whenever they walk in the room for the next two weeks.



Watch test patterns.



Collect bottles of colored water on the floor. Refuse to discuss them.



Buy lots of slinkys and hang them from your ceiling while humming Its Slinky, its Slinky…



Buy lots of pictures. Hang them up upside down. Stand on your head to look at them.



Tack candy wrappers on your walls.

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