Top 12 things you dont want to hear from tech support

  1. Do you have a sledgehammer or a brick handy?
  2. … thats right, not even McGyver could fix it.
  3. So — what are you wearing?
  4. Duuuuuude! Bummer!
  5. Looks like youre gonna need some new dilythium crystals, Capn.
  6. Press 1 for Support. Press 2 if youre with 60 Minutes. Press 3 if youre with the FTC.
  7. We can fix this, but youre gonna need a butter knife, a roll of duct tape and a car battery.
  8. Im sorry, Dave. Im afraid I cant do that.
  9. In laymans terms, we call that the Hindenburg Effect.
  10. Hold on a second … Mom! Timmys hitting me!
  11. Okay, turn to page 523 in your copy of Dianetics.

    and the Number 1 Thing You Dont Want to Hear From Tech Support …

  12. Please hold for Mr. Gates attorney.

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