27
Feb

Ways to add confusion to dining halls

by Robert Chen

You should not attempt any these things. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.

31. Switch the label on skim milk with the one on whole milk.

32. Yell to someone walking by, Ill take two hot dogs, and my son will have some peanuts.

33. After getting all your food, sit down. Start arranging your food alphabetically, from left to right. Ask the person next to you whether you should put orange juice under o or j.

34. Bring in a television and VCR. Set it up to play Faces of Death. Eat avidly as you describe each screen to everyone. Embellish. Dont be afraid to speak while your mouth is full.

35. Get a large container and fill it with milk. Pour its contents into the cereal dispenser. Dispense cereal. Complain about how you always get too much milk.

36. Go up to someone you dont know and say, Can I toast your buns?

37. Talk to your food. Tell it to quit complaining or else youll chew more.

38. Find and remove all the green Froot Loops from the cereal dispenser. Then announce to everyone that youre charging a nickel for each green Froot Loop. If they refuse, tell them that theyre not real Froot Loop eaters.

39. Stand where everyone empties their trays. Offer to eat everything unfinished.

40. Pass the pepper and salt, please.

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