(This joke courtesy of orchestral trumpeter Michael Bowman)

A judge, a bishop, and a conductor were having a discussion. All three
were rather vain men, and their talk soon turned to the question of which
of them was the greatest.

Well, said the judge, my position is one of dignity and power. When
I walk into the courtroom, the bailiff says All rise! and all the people
stand to pay me honor.

Thats very nice, said the bishop. People stand in your honor; but
when people have an audience with me they kneel, kiss my ring, and they
address me as Your Holiness.

The conductor snorted and said, I think I got you both beat; when I
step onto the podium, as guest conductor, the people look down, put their
hands over their eyes, and say Oh, my God!