Words of wisdom

All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand. Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met OK, so whats the speed of dark? How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink? If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. Support bacteria – theyre the only culture some people have Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm When everythings coming your way, youre in the wrong lane. Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now. The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some dont have film. Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark. Many people quit looking for work when they find a job. I intend to live forever – so far, so good Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them. Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? Eagles may soar, but weasels dont get sucked into jet engines Im not cheap, but I am on special this week I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy If you aint makin waves, you aint kickin hard enough! Mental backup in progress – Do Not Disturb! Mind Like A Steel Trap – Rusty And Illegal In 37 States Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion. Give a man a free hand and hell run it all over you. If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder … 24 hours in a day … 24 beers in a case … coincidence? Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire. When Im not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

Most viewed Jokes (20)