You know youre too serious about computers…

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  • If you did an error-free installation of Windows 95.
  • When your modem starts smoking.
  • If no one can reach you by phone since your computer is always online.
  • If you log-off your system because its time to go to work.
  • If you call in sick because you found a great new WWW site.
  • If you can type your top 10 favorite Web sites, by heart.
  • If you can locate a particular home page without using a search engine.
  • If you can write your own html page.
  • If you can access more than 20 erotic no-pay sites.
  • If you download more than 20Mb of from a binary newsgroup, in one session.
  • If while reading a magazine, you look for the Zoom icon for a better look at a photograph.
  • You comment, while watching a sunset, that the image would be enhanced with 10% more magenta and a higher resolution.
  • If while driving down the street, you are confused by the numbers on the houses – they do not appear to be legitimate WWW addresses.
  • When someone tells you to remember something, and you look for File/Save command.
  • When you discover there is no little car icon with a forward arrow on the dashboard of your car, to make it go.
  • When you think the File/Kill command should apply to your system administrator.
  • When you find it easier to dial-up the National Weather Service Weather/your_town/now.html than to simply look out the window.
  • When you start using phrases like: Hungry.must-eat.food.now@home
  • If you have a heart attack when you forgot to pay your phone bill and receive a pending disconnection of service notice.
  • When you order most of what you buy… online.
  • If your fingers quit moving because youve been online for 36 hours.
  • When you find yourself engaged to someone youve never actually met; except through e-mail.
  • When you log-off from a session in your favorite newsgroup… and your log reads: Online time: 56 hours 24 minutes.
  • If your net provider suggests you try a competitor, because youre exceeding 300 hours a month, connect time.
  • When you add your third modem and dedicated phone line.
  • You access Microsofts Web page every Sunday morning for Brother Bills sermon.
  • When that 112Gb hard drive is full.
  • If 133 Mhz is simply too slow.
  • When your desk collapses under the weight of your computer peripherals.
  • If you have an online light installed on your car to tell you when the engine is running.
  • When you discover that in order to drive your car somewhere, you do not enter an http:// or ftp:// address.
  • If you can actually talk to the computers in your new car – and understand what they say.
  • When you modify the programming of your cars computers and actually get better mileage.
  • When you can access the Net – via your portable and cellular phone.
  • If on the way home from work, you use your portable and cellular phone in your car, to reprogram a Tomahawk missile, in flight, and redirect it to take out the joker in the Cadillac who cut you off.
  • If you try to press Alt-F4 to close your car window.
  • When you put a CD-ROM in your cars player.
  • When someone tells you about a great new program and youre very disappointed to find its on TV.
  • If every sentence you utter begins with, On the Net…
  • If you put your e-mail address in the upper left-hand corner of envelopes.
  • If you have your e-mail address printed on your stationary.
  • When you insist on seeing the movie The Net – for the 63rd time.
  • If magazines like InternetWorld are of greater interest than Playboy or Playgirl.
  • If you maintain more than 6 e-mail addresses.
  • If you use more than 20 passwords.
  • If you set up your own Web page.
  • If you set up a Web page for each of your kids… and your pets.
  • If, instead of a phone number, you ask someone for their e-mail address.
  • If you dont know anyone who DOESNT have an e-mail addresses.
  • If, to you, safe sex means doing it online.
  • If you convince your mom that she HAS to get online because e-mail is so much cheaper than long distance phone charges.
  • If you can write a list like this.
  • If you can relate to a list like this.

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