31
Dec

118 ways Barney should die

Nitroglycerin suppository
My First (and Last) Dr. Kivorkian approved suicide/euthanasia kit
Paper cuts from hate mail
Wine press
Random act of terrorism
Dissolved in organic solvent of choice (e.g. 1,1,1-trichloroethane, acetone, carbon tetrachloride)
Clubbed by a baby seal hunter
Exploding gas barbeque
Date with Lorana Bobbit / Tonya Harding
Rusty meat hook
Pulp digester / Saw mill
Sexually transmitted disease
Lethal injestion of bean sprouts and tofu
Skydiving accident (His concrete parachute fails to open).
Baney meets the Terminator. Hasta la vista… BARNEY!.
Exploding school bus
Field trip to the Toronto Metro Zoo. Barney loves to spread love and happiness to all of the carnivores.
Childrens Tylenol laced with cyanide
Sacrifice to a tribal god
Fed through a branch/leaf shredder (or office paper shredder)
Trampling by thousands of tiny spongie feet
Asphixiation on a twinkie
Bungee jumping with chord tied around neck
1000 RPM merry-go-round
Building sandcastles in a quicksand box
Dragged behind a schoolbus on a gravel road
Tail caught in elevator doors
Legalization of purple slavery
Home lobotomy kit
Nasal spray or eye drops replaced with concentrated acid (e.g. nitric, chromic, hydroflouric, sulfuric, or hydrochloric)
Add crushed glass to his granola or high fibre cereal.
Thrown in a vat of bleach.
Close encounter with a white supremist.
Sucked into a turbo-prop engine
Submerged into a CANDU reactor
Swarmed by killer bees
Purple parasites
Kidnapped by members of the Columbian drug cartel
Chopped up into pet food (Purina Barney chow)
Shintu massage as administered by a sumo wrestler.
Assilimation by the Borg.
Accupunture with a nail gun
Force fed pure sugar and caffeine until he explodes.
Barney meets Mr. Chainsaw
Hit and run at a school crossing
Exploding in an industrial sized microwave oven.
Strapped to a shuttle launch pad..3, 2, 1, ignition!
Strapped to the heat shields of a space shuttle during reentry.
Brain scrambled (rescrambled?) by aliens
Body cavity search using a fish scaling knife.
Harpooned by a whaling ship
Dipped in liquid nitrogen, and accidentally pummelled with a baseball bat (guess they found the glass transition temperature).
Served as Thanksgiving dinner
Eaten by the homeless (Barney pate anyone?)
OOPS! Barney shouldnt have soldered that propane tank while full.
Mistaken for a Pinyata
Run over by a zamboni
I love you song triggers avalanche.
Accidentally shoved in front of a subway train.
Nuclear warhead explodes at ground BARNEY.
Scientific experiments on BARNEY sublimation temperature.
Crushed between plates in a fault line.
Blended into McBarney shakes, and pressed into McBarney patties (would you like McFries with that?)
Inquiring minds want to know… What is the tensile strength of Barney?
Used as a crashtest dummy. Listen up boys and girls. This is what can happen to you if you dont wear your seatbelt.
Barney becomes one with Oscar Myer.
Barney used as shark bait.
Used as a guinea pig in a pain threshold study.
Used in a TV commercial promotion of Ginsu Knives. Even after cutting this tin can, the ginsu knives rip through purple flesh with ease.
Diplomatic mission with Klingons
Deep sea diving in a locked steamer trunk.
Nato air strike.
Live organ donor.
Egyptian mummificaton ritual.
Plummet into an active volcano.
Coated in honey and fed to the fire ants.
Conversion to sugar glazed junk food.
Quiet dinner with Jeffrey Dahmer.
Pilgrimage to the Holy land.
Purple Jonestown reagent.
Visit to the taxidermist.
Blasted with a Neuron-T-disrupter.
Take him off Prozac.
Forced to watch The Wall video without his happy pills.
100 hours of continuous Black Sabbath.
Give him a lead role in a snuff film.
Tar and feathered by crazed parents.
Spontaneous combustion.
Bludgeoned to purple paste.
Compressed to a singularity.
Bent, folded and mutilated by Canada Post.
Send him to a Bills game dressed as a Miami Dolphin.
The plague
Extruded through microcapilliaries.
Forced to spend a week with Bart Simpson.
Barney goes for a spin on a cyclotron. Too bad about the sudden stop.
Pre-mortum autopsy reveals that Barneys head is full of worms.
Massage with a stun gun.
Heat pastuerization.
Barney stars in an Itchy and Scratchy movie.
Abandoned in a sensory deprivation tank.
Barney meets Elmira (Im gonna hug him and squeeze him to itty bitty pieces.)
Put Barney in an old Star Trek episode, in a RED SHIRT.
Put Barney in a Star Trek Next Generation episode, in a gold shirt.
Make him the drummer of Spinal Tap.
Use him as a zap-o-matic target.
Paint him green & give him to Gallager for his Sledge-o-matic.
Paint him green & give him to David Letterman for a 10 story drop.
Confine him with Marvin the depressed Android (Douglus Adams).
Put a horse collar on him and abandom him on alt.sex.beastiality.
Stick him in a car with Ted Kennedy near a bridge.
Paint Branch Dividian & Proud of it and drop him off at the BATF hq.
Put him on a blind date with Lorena Bobbit AFTER she gets her new set of Ginsu(tm) knives.
Barney scrapple.
Bury him next to Jimmy Hoffa.
Tell Tipper Gore he sings on how to masterbate.
Recreate the Challenger accident woth Barney playing substitute teacher.
Use Barney as a test subject for exotic new nerve gases.

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