15 Signs You Forgot Someone On Secretaries Day

1. Phone messages delivered on end of spear.

2. Your important dictation somehow seems to blah blah blah I am a slave-driving cheapskate.

3. A copy of the latest bestseller So, Your Heads Up Your Ass, Now What? appears on your desk.

4. When did FTD start doing an Up Yours Bouquet?

5. First, a message that Cindy Crawford is on line 2, followed a few seconds later by Satanic laughter.

6. Its not so much the cold coffee, its the staples at the bottom of the cup.

7. Your big business dinner at the Four Seasons Restaurant in Manhattan is rescheduled for Big Jebs 24-Hour Truck Stop outside of Newark, New Jersey.

8. Nude picture of Marlon Brando pops up in your Powerpoint presentation.

9. Supposedly shredded Whitewater documents turn up in the Washington Post cafeteria.

10. Now answers the phone, Smith, Jones and Tighta**.

11. That NY-to-LA trip she booked for you now involves six plane changes, a 12-hour layover in Guam and a personal appearance on Ricki Lakes Im A Selfish Pig episode.

12. Newly-typed organization chart lists your position as Head Up His Ass.

13. Your computers mouse has been replaced by an electro-genital shock device.

14. While admittedly funnier than usual, daily Top 5 list she forwards you contains 15 identical You suck! entries.

15. Expense report you dont recall submitting comes back with denied charges for beer & hookers.