Two guys are sitting in a bar getting pretty loaded. Suddenly, one of them blows lunch all over himself.

Aw man, my wife is going to kill me when she sees this, he says. His buddy replies, Dont worry about it. That happened to me before. Heres what you do. Put a $20 bill in your pants pocket. When you get home, tell your wife that some drunk threw up on you and he gave you the twenty to pay for the cleaning, OK?

All right, Ill try it. So he goes home and his wife immediately starts bitching about his suit. Now look what youve done to yourself!!

No, no, honey, he slurs back. Some drunk guy puked on me, but he gave me this twenty bucks to get my suit cleaned. With that he reaches into his pocket and throws the money on the table.

His wife looks at it and says, I thought that you said he only gave you one $20. How come there are two here? The man slurs back,

He shit in my pants, too.