If brains were a job,Al Gore would be on welfare!!!

British Left Waffles on Falkland islands

Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms

Eye Drops off Shelf

Teacher Strikes Idle Kids

Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead

A snake and a rabbit were racing along a pair of intersecting forest pathways one day, when they collided at the intersection. They immediately began to argue with one another as to who was at fault for the mishap.

When the snake remarked that he had been blind since birth, and thus should be given additional leeway, the rabbit said that he, too, had been blind since birth. The two animals then forgot about the collision and began commiserating concerning the problems of being blind.

The snake said that his greatest regret was the loss of his identity. He had never been able to see his reflection in the water, and for that reason did not know exactly what he looked like, or even what he was. The rabbit declared that he had the same problem. Seeing a way that they could help each other, the rabbit proposed that one feel the other from head to toe, and then try to describe what the other animal was.

The snake agreed, and started by winding himself around the rabbit. After a few moments, he announced, Youve got very soft, fuzzy fur, long ears, big rear feet, and a little fuzzy ball for a tail. I think that you must be a bunny rabbit!

The rabbit was much relieved to find his identity, and proceeded to return the favor to the snake. After feeling about the snakes body for a few minutes, he asserted, Well, youre scaly, youre slimy, youve got beady little eyes, you squirm and slither all the time, and youve got a forked tongue. I think youre a lawyer!

Joke found on http://www.ahajokes.com

A man was flying his private airplane into New York City. However, the day was foggy and the air was smoggy, and he couldnt make out any landmarks. He became worried, as hed need to find a specific airfield in order to land his plane. As a New Yorker, he knew where it was in relation to other buildings, but as he couldnt see any other buildings through the fog, that was a moot point.Suddenly, a patch of fog cleared for a minute, and the man saw another man standing on what was obviously the roof of a very tall building. Hello, said the man in the airplane, can you tell me about where I am?The man on the building looked at him and said, Youre in an airplane.Thank you! called the man as he sped off in the right direction. He now knew exactly where he was. Directly over the Microsoft building.

-From Jokes for women only (Men, please excuse …. :-> )
by Susan Savanah. You may have heard them, but they were new to
me …

A man came home from work early one day, and found his wife naked and
panting on the bed. Honey, she said, thinking quickly, I think Im
having a heart attack! While rushing to call the doctor, he nearly
stumbled over his crying four year old, who told him there was a naked
man in the closet. He ran to the closet, opened the door, and there was
his best friend. Damn it, Dave he shouted, Jills having a heart
attack and here you are scaring the hell out of the kids!

Did you hear about Oles cross-eyed teacher.

She had trouble keeping her pupils straight.

Ole said, My wife just left me for my best friend.

Ole, Sven said compassionately, you poor man.

Sven, I will sure miss that guy.

A lawyer had a client who was accused of bank robbery. He was caught with the money shortly after he left the bank. He stood and addressed the bench.

Your honor, my client is innocent of bank robbery. He was actually borrowing the money. He wanted to open an account at another bank which offered higher interest rates and needed at least $10,000. He would have paid back the money in a few years.

Q: Why dont blondes eat pickles?

A: Because they cant get their head in the jar.

Q: Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and good-looking?

A: Because all those men already have boyfriends.

• You wake up face down on the pavement.
• You put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
• You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold.
• You see a 60 Minutes news team waiting in your office.
• Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.

• You want to put the clothes on you wore home from the party
  but find there arent any.

• Your twin brother forgot your birthday.

• You turn on the news and theyre showing emergency routes
  from the city.

• Your car horn accidentally goes off and remains stuck as
  you follow a group of Hells Angels along a deserted highway.

• You wake to discover your waterbed has sprung a leak and
  then realize you dont have a waterbed.

• Your boss tells you not to bother to take off your coat.
• The bird singing outside your window is a vulture.

• You call your answering service and youre told to mind
  your own business.

• Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife.
• Your tax refund check bounces.
• You put both contact lenses in the same eye.
• Your pet rock snaps at you.

• Your wife says Good Morning, Bill and your name is
  George.