Un hombre llega a su casa y su mujer le dice desesperada:

¡Mi amor, mi amor, a mi mamá la picó un alacrán!

¿Cómo pudo picarla un alacrán? ¡Si había 4 en la cajita!

Dos tipos, uno de ellos ventrílocuo, que pasean por la alta montaña deciden gastarle una broma a un pastor. Haciéndose pasar por periodistas, le solicitan al buen hombre permiso para hacerle una entrevista a sus ovejas.

El ovejero accede creyendo que los sujetos están locos, pero cuál no sería su sorpresa cuando al oír que a la pregunta: ¿Señora oveja: Vd. cuando hace el amor, con quién lo hace? El animal, con un movimiento de cabeza, responde:

Yo, con aquel carnero de allí.

De inmediato, el pastor se levanta y, dirigiéndose a los pseudo periodistas, les asegura, muy nervioso:

¡A aquella negra no le pregunten que es muy mentirosa!

Resulta que en cierta ciudad se estaban registrando robos de chicos en la salida de las guarderías, por lo cual las maestras decidieron tomar precauciones y estar atentas en las salidas.

Un día, en la salida de los chicos, un señor muy pero muy obeso baja de un auto. Entonces, al no reconocerlo como el padre de algún chico, una de las maestras lo observó muy atentamente y luego, para confirmar si era un ladrón o un padre, se le acerca al hombre y le pregunta:

Señor, ¿usted espera un hijo?

No, sólo soy gordo, responde confundido el tipo.

Top 15 Signs That Youve Had Too Much Of the 90s



15. You try to enter your password on the microwave



14. You havent played solitaire with a real deck of cards in years.



13. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.



12. You e-mail your son in his room to tell him that dinner is ready, and he e-mails you back Whats for dinner?



11. Your daughter sells Girl Scout Cookies via her web site.



10. You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa, but you havent spoken to your next door neighbor yet this year.



9. Your daughter just bought on CD, all the records your college roommate used to play that you most despised.



8. Every commercial on television has a web site address at the bottom of the screen.



7. You buy a computer and a week later it is out of date. And now sells for half the price you paid.



6. The concept of using real money, instead of credit or debit, to make a purchase is foreign to you.



5. Cleaning up the dining area means getting the fast food bags out of the back seat of you car.



4. Your reason for not staying in touch with your family is that they do not have e-mail address.



3. You consider 2nd day air delivery painfully slow.



2. You refer to your dining room table as the flat filing cabinet.



And the Number 1 sign that your had too much of the 90s….



1. You hear most of your jokes via e-mail instead of in person.

Heres a dilemma for you… With all your honor and dignity what would you do? This test only has one question, but its a very important one.

Please dont answer it without giving it some serious thought. By giving an honest answer you will be able to test where you stand morally.

The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation, where you will have to make a decision one way or the other. Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous. Please scroll down slowly and consider each line – this is important for the test to work accurately.

Youre in Florida…In Miami, to be exact. There is great chaos going on around you, caused by a hurricane and severe floods. There are huge masses of water all over you. You are a CNN photographer and you are in the middle of this great disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless. Youre trying to shoot very impressive photos. There are houses and people floating around you, disappearing into the water. Nature is showing all its destructive power and is ripping everything away with it.

Suddenly you see a man in the water, he is fighting for his life, trying not to be taken away by the masses of water and mud. You move closer. Somehow the man looks familiar.

Suddenly you know who it is — its George W. Bush!

At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take him away, forever. You have two options. You can save him or you can take the best photo of your life. So you can save the life of George W. Bush, or you can shoot a Pulitzer prize winning photo, a unique photo displaying the death of one of the worlds most powerful men.

And heres the question (please give an honest answer):

Would you select color film, or rather go with the simplicity of classic black and white?

What is foreplay for a Jewish American Princess?

Thirty minutes of begging.

Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

A four year old girl was learning to say the Lords Prayer. She was reciting it all by herself without help from her mother.

She said, And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us some e-mail.

How many aides does it take to change President Regans lightbulb?

In the beginning God created the heavens and the Earth. And the Earth was without form, and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep.

And Satan said, It doesnt get any better than this.

And God said, Let there be light, and there was light. And God said, Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding seed, and the fruit tree yielding fruit, and God saw that it was good.

And Satan said, There goes the neighborhood.

And God said, Let us make Man in our image, after our likeness, and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air and over the cattle, and over all the Earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the Earth. And so God created Man in his own image; male and female created he them. And God looked upon Man and Woman and saw that they were lean and fit.

And Satan said, I know how I can get back in this game.

And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

And Satan created McDonalds. And McDonalds brought forth the 99-cent double cheeseburger. And Satan said to Man, You want fries with that?

And Man said, Supersize them. And Man gained 5 pounds.

And God created the healthful yogurt, that woman might keep her figure that man found so fair.

And Satan brought forth chocolate. And Woman gained 5 pounds.

And God said, Try my crispy fresh salad.

And Satan brought forth Ben and Jerrys. And Woman gained 10 pounds.

And God said, I have sent thee heart healthy vegetables and olive oil with which to cook them.

And Satan brought forth chicken fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained 10 pounds and his bad cholesterol went through the roof.

And God brought forth running shoes and Man resolved to lose those extra pounds.

And Satan brought forth cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil to change channels between ESPN and ESPN2. And Man gained another 20 pounds.

And God said, Youre running up the score, Devil.

And God brought forth the potato, a vegetable naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition.

And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep fat fried them. And he created sour cream dip also. And Man clutched his remote control and ate the potato chips swaddled in cholesterol. And Satan saw and said, It is good. And Man went into cardiac arrest.

And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

And Satan created HMOs.