Un negro caminaba por la selva. En una rama se encontraba un mono y, cuando pasa el negro, éste le grita: ¡negro hijo de puta!

El negro se enoja con el mono y lo amenaza: vas a ver mono, ¡me la vas a pagar!

Al día siguiente vuelve a pasar el negro, lo ve el mono y de nuevo le grita: ¡negro de mierda, eres un hijo de puta!

El negro enojado lo amenaza: ¡vas a ver mono, me la vas apagar!

Y así siguió, hasta que un día, el negro lo agarra, saca un hacha y le corta la cola.

Entonces el mono le suplica: ¡Mátame, mátame por favor! ¡Mátame! ¡Ay, mátame por favor! ¡Ay!

El negro asombrado le pregunta: oye mono, ¿por qué quieres que te mate?

Porque me van a gritar ¡negro hijo de puta!, le contesta el mono.

Una señora viaja en un taxi acompañada de su hija de cinco años. Al pasar por una esquina, la chiquilla ve a unas prostitutas y pregunta:

Oye, mamá, ¿quiénes son esas señoras?

Nerviosa, la mujer responde:

Son señoras que están esperando que sus maridos salgan de trabajar, hijita.

El taxista, que venía escuchando todo, se dirige a la madre:

¡Chingado, señora, dígale la verdad: son prostitutas!

Se hace un tenso silencio. En eso, la niña lanza otra pregunta:

Oye, mami, ¿y las prostitutas pueden tener hijos?

¡Pues claro! ¿De dónde crees que salen los pinches taxistas?

Last year, many women upgraded their BOYFRIEND 3.1 to BOYFRIEND PLUS 1.0 (marketing name: FIANCE 1.0) and then further upgraded FIANCE 1.0 to HUSBAND 1.0. They found that 1.0 is a memory hogger and incompatible to many other programs in their lives. HUSBAND 1.0 includes plug-ins such as MOTHER-IN-LAW, BROTHER-IN-LAW, and ANNOYING LOSER FRIENDS although market research has clearly shown that they are unnecessary and unwanted.

The upcoming BOYFRIEND 4.0 will change all that. Created by leading experts in the field and based upon years of research and classroom lectures, it includes the best of the old features, such as the HANDYMAN FUNCTION, and includes many new functions such as the OPTIONAL COMMITMENT FEATURE. Other immature functions, such as BEER GUZZLING and CAT CALLING have been removed, though they can still be found on FRATBOY 1.1



BOYFRIEND 4.0 will include:



– An AUTOMATIC REMINDER BUTTON AND PAY ATTENTION FEATURE (so I dont have to repeat myself) – MINIMIZE BUTTON – SHUTDOWN FEATURE – SHOPPING FUNCTION – A BACK-UP ENERGY SUPPLY, so it wont fall asleep after sex



– A LAUNDRY, COOKING, & HOUSECLEANING FUNCTION – DIAPER-CHANGING FUNCTION, for the more advanced users – A SELF DESTRUCT SEQUENCE, so once its uninstalled it wont come back – A MONOGAMY FEATURE – AUTOMATIC OVERRIDE that kicks in right before theyre about to say ANYTHING even remotely stupid

Two blondes are on a bus and one of them looks out the window and sees two other blondes in the middle of a feild rowing a boat. She turns to the other blonde and says Its blondes like that who give us blondes a bad name. and she replied yeah and if i could swim ide kill her!

Q: How was copper wire invented?

A: Two bankers were fighting over a penny.

The Jewish civilization is 6000 years old, and the Chinese
civilization is 4000 years old. What is the significance of these
facts?

For 2000 years, the Jews had to do their own shirts.

When in doubt, dont bother.

Late at night, a woman is woken from her sleep by a bat suddenly swooping into her room through a window.

She watches as the bat transforms itself into a vampire. She grips the pillow tightly, but is too afraid to speak.

The vampire slowly approaches, but as it almost reaches her, the woman suddenly remembers the cross on her night-stand.

She grabs it tightly, holding it out towards the vampire and, in a trembling voice,cries,

You cant come closer! I have a cross.

The vampire looks the woman in the eye and responds, Lady, Es vet dir gornisht helfen!

Why did they have to stop doing the wave at the Skydome in Toronto? Beacause a blonde drowned in it.

There was an Aggie, Longhorn, and a Red Raider who were out hunting. The Aggie brought back a big buck.

How did you get that? they all asked.

I saw the tracks, followed the tracks, and boom I shot a buck. Then the longhorn brought back an elephant.

How did you get that? they all asked.

I saw the tracks, I followed the tracks, and boom I shot an elephant. Then the Red Raider came back all beat up.

What happened? they all asked.

I saw the tracks, I followed the tracks, and boom I got hit by a train.