Al and Joe are bungee-jumping one day. Al says to Joe, you know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee jumping service in Mexico. Joe thinks this is a great idea, so they pool their money and buy everything theyll need; a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc. They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square.
As they are constructing the tower a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them work. When they had finished, there was such a crowd they thought it would be a good idea to give a demonstration. So Al jumps.
He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comes back up, Joe notices that he has a few cuts and scratches. Unfortunately, Joe isnt able to catch him, and he falls again, bounces again and comes back up again. This time he is bruised and bleeding. Again Joe misses him. Al falls again and bounces back up. This time he comes back pretty messed up. Hes got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious.
Luckily Joe catches him this time and says, What happened? Was the cord too long?
Barely able to speak, Al gasps, No, the bungee cord was fine. It was the crowd . . . WHAT THE HECK IS A PIÑATA?
Archive for April, 2019
A guy goes to visit his grandmother and he brings his friends with him.
While hes talking to his grandmother, his friend starts eating the peanuts on the coffee table, and finishes them off.
As theyre leaving, his friend says to his grandmother, Thanks for the peanuts.
She says, Yeah, since I lost my dentures I can only suck the chocolate off em.
Recently spotted in the student union cafeteria at UIUC:
Coffee cups that read, Say NO to drugs.
An old man in Mississippi is sitting on his front porch watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbors kid walk by carrying something big under his arm. Hey boy, whatcha got there?
Roll of chicken wire.
What you gonna do with that?
Gonna catch some chickens.
You damn fool! You cant catch chickens with chicken wire! The boy just laughs and keeps walking. That evening at sunset, the boy comes walking by, dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it.
The next morning, the old man is out watching the sun rise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something in his hand. Hey boy, whatcha got there?
Roll of duct tape.
What you gonna do with that?
Gonna catch me some ducks.
You damn fool! You cant catch ducks with duct tape!
The boy just laughs and keeps walking.That night around sunset the boy walks by, trailing behind him the unrolled roll of duct tape with about 35 ducks caught in it.
The next morning, the old man sees the boy walking by carrying what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the end. Hey boy, whatcha got there?
Its a pussy willow.
Wait up…Ill get my hat.
Q: Why are people in Arkansas having peanut butter and jelly for Thanksgiving this year?
A: Because theyre sending their turkey to the White House!
Q: How many librarians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: I dont know, but I can look it up for you.
Q: How many Microsoft employees does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Eight: one to work the bulb and seven to make sure Microsoft gets $2 for every light bulb ever changed anywhere in the world.
Q: How many hunt sabs does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Three. One to do it and two to clean the muddy footprints off the carpet and the chair he was standing on.
A drunk walks into a crowded bar and takes the last barstool next to an older woman.
After awhile, the woman starts to smell this horrible odor coming from the direction of the drunk.
She turns to him and says, Excuse me Mister, but did you just shit yourself?
The drunk replied, Yes maam, I have indeed shit myself.
The woman says, Well, why dont you go somewhere and clean yourself up?
The drunk says, Cos Im not finished yet…
El profesor de Ciencias Naturales decide hacer una prueba oral y llama a una alumna:
Existe una parte del cuerpo del hombre que se pueda dilatar hasta siete veces su tamaño. ¿Cuál es esa parte?
No puedo decirlo, profesor…, responde la alumna, roja de vergüenza.
Entonces por no responder, tiene cero. La respuesta correcta es las pupilas de los ojos. ¡A juzgar por su respuesta tiene usted mucha imaginación y seguramente no tardará en tener también una gran decepción!