What do you call a lesbian with long fingers?

Well Hung.

A dyslexic walks into a bra….

Your momma is so fat that shes on both sides of the family

A young couple had identical twin sons and nearly everyone had a heck of a time telling them apart. An aunt asked the mom if she had any problems distinguishing the two lads, and the mother replied, No, I can tell them apart by their balls. One bawls all night, the other bawls all day!

Three coaches flew to the NCAA convention. The plane crashed, all three d ied. All three noticed God up in the clouds sitting in a chair. God wanted to know three things: Who are you? What did you do? and What did people think of you?

The first person said, Im Denny Crum. I was the 2nd best coach in the nation. I won 2 national championships and won over 20 games a year and the people of Kentucky think I am great.

God said, Denny, stand to my right.

The next person said, Im John Thompson. I was the 3rd best coach in the nation. I won conference championships and made our program respectable. The people of Washington DC think I am great.

God said, John, stand on my left side.

The third person stood before God and said, Im Bobby Knight. I have won three national championships, two NIT championships, the Pan Am games, the Olympics, nine Big Ten championships, the youngest coach ever to win 600 games and the people of Indiana think you are sitting in my chair.

Its legal to play hockey professionally.
The puck is always hard.
Protective equipment is reusable and you dont even have to wash it.
It lasts a full hour.
You know youre finished when the buzzer sounds.
Your parents cheer when you score.
Periods only last 20 minutes.
You can count on it at least twice a week.
You can tell your friends about it afterwards.

And, the number one reason hockey is better than sex…

A two-on-one or three-on-one is not uncommon.

Thanks to Bill Denham

Tres mulatas que van a volar en avión por primera vez platican acerca de la ropa que van a usar cuando viajen.

Comenta la primera:

Yo voy a usar unas panties rosa fluorescente.

¿y por qué?, preguntan las otras dos.

Porque si se cae el avión en el bosque y caigo con el culo hacia arriba, les va a ser más fácil localizarme.

Pues yo voy a usar unas panties anaranjado fluorescente, revela la segunda.

¿Y por qué?

Porque si se cae el avión en el mar y caigo con las nalgas hacia arriba, les va a ser más fácil rescatarme.

Yo no voy a ponerme panties, aclara la última.

¿Por qué no?, preguntan asombradas sus compañeras.

¡Ay, tontas, que no ven que cuando se cae un avión lo primero que buscan es la caja negra!

Unos tipos se fueron en un crucero, se hundió el barco, y sólo sobrevivieron dos hombres, que quedaron varados en una isla desierta. Pasa un mes y nada… pasan seis meses y nada de rescatarlos, así que ya les entraba la desesperacion de no tener mujeres. Todos los días se miraban medio raro, hasta que un día uno le comenta al otro:

Ya tenemos casi un año aquí y nada de rescatarnos y me muero de ganas de tener sexo.

El otro le responde:

¡Qué insinuas, que te pasa! Nada de mariconadas.

Pasa otro año y se miran nuevamente y dice uno: Yo ya no doy más, lo haremos.

Listo, pero tú haces de mujer.

No, tú.

No, tú…

Y así hasta el anochecer, hasta que uno dice:

Está bien, acepto, yo haré de mujer…

El otro saltaba de alegría…

…pero con una condición…

Dime, lo que sea.

¡Primero CHUPAME LA CONCHA!

Q: What is the difference between Windows 95 and Windows 98?

A: 3 years

There was two friends, Bob and Frank. Bob went to Franks house and Franks wife answered the door. Bob said, Is Frank home? The wife said no, hes at the supermarket and hell be home soon. You can come in and sit down if you want. So he did. They were sitting their awhile and Bobs like, Ill give you $100 dollars to see one of your boobs. She thinks about it and then says o.k. So she opens her robe and shows him and then he puts the hundred dollars on the coffee table. A little while later hes like, Ill give you another hundred to see both of them at the same time. She thinks about it and says o.k. So she opens her robe and shows him both. Then he says, Well, I better be going. After Bob leaves, Frank comes home and his wife said that Bob was here, Franks like great, did he leave my $200?