The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman.

What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.? said the officer.

Im going to a lecture. the man said.

And who is going to give a lecture at this hour? the cop asked.

My wife. said the man.

Q: Did you know that there is a food out there that will stop a woman from wanting sex?

A: Its called Wedding Cake

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

101. Bring in potential new roommates from around campus. Give them tours of the room and the building. Have them ask about your roommate in front of him/her, and reply, Oh, him/her? He/she wont be here much longer.

The following conversation took place one morning between a wife and her husband. They were discussing government cost cuts that they recently heard about in the paper.

Steve, his wife said, while reading the newspaper, it looks like our government is going to cut overhead and trim down the military forces. They are going to eliminate six overaged destroyers.

To which the husband replies, Sorry to hear that, dear. Im sure youll miss your mother being gone.

Dont force it, get a bigger hammer.

What kind of answer did you have in mind?

One day a blonde, tried of being made fun of for her hair color, decided that she should trick some people by dying her hair brown. Now, the newly-brunetted blonde went off in search of someone to prove her intelligence to.The first person she came to was a farmer watching his herd of sheep. What a great opportunity, thinks the blonde. So, she walks up to him and says Hey, if I can tell you how many sheep are in that whole herd without counting, will you give me one of them? Now, it was a very big herd, so the farmer says, Why not? So, whats your guess?368, the blonde-in-disguise replies.The farmer is shocked, thats exactly the right answer! Well, the blonde claimed her prize, and was smugly walking away, when the farmer ran back up to her.Um, Miss? he said, If I can guess your real hair color, will you give me back my dog?

A: The cow fell on her.

A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her husbands best friend. They make love for hours, and afterwards, while theyre just laying there, the phone rings. Since it is the womans house, she picks up the receiver. Her lover looks over at her and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation…

(She is speaking in a cheery voice)

Hello? Oh, hi. Im so glad that you called. Really? Thats wonderful. I am so happy for you. That sounds terrific. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye bye.

She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, Who was that?

Oh she replies, That was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time hes having on his fishing trip with you.

Tell her a joke on Wednesday.