Below are excerpts about how guys can score points (or lose them) from their gals from The Game of Romance: How to Keep Score from Mens Health Magazine, November, 1996, p 110-115, along with some things that are just expected of guys, therefore having a score of zero:

Simple Duties

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You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty liners But retur You check out a suspicious n You check out a suspicious noise and You check out a suspicious noise and it You pummel it with Its her father: -10



So — You stay by her side the You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college dri Na Tiffany Tiffany has implants: -8



Sat — You visit You visit her parents and actually make You visit her parents and stare vacantly at th And the televi You spend the afternoon watching college football in yo And you didnt even go And its not really your underwear: -15



Her Birthday

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You take her You take her out to dinner and its not Okay, it is a And its all-you-ca Its a sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your fa You giv You give her a gift, and its a smal You give her a gift, and its not a sma You give her a gift, and it isn You give her a gift that youll be paying off You wait until the last minute and buy her a gi With her And whatever you bought is two sizes too big: -40



Thoughtfulness

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You forget to pick her up at the Which is in Newark, And the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast: -50



A Night Ou ———- You have For every beer after And miss curfew b You get home You get home at 3 a.m. smelling of booze and c And not wearing Is that a tattoo? -200



A Night Out, Jus —————- You go Hes crude You laugh: -5

You laug Shes n You laugh harder: -25



Driving

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You lose the direction You lose the directions and end up g You end up getting lost in a bad p You get lost in a bad part of town & meet the locals up clos She finds out you lied about having a black belt: -60



Communication

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When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concern When she wants to talk, you listen, for ove You listen for more than 30 minutes, without looking at the television or picking up She realizes this is because youve fallen asleep: -10

Q: Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist?

A: He sold his soul to Santa

A man heard his wife talking to one of her friends,she was saying something about small,short and other words simular.that knight the man and woman were getting ready for bed and the man asked the woman if she was talking about him at all this evening?the woman said no, why?the man said when you reafer to me to your friends I wuold appreceate it if you would use words like large and big.the woman replied, ok.they continued to undress for bed,when the man got naked ,the woman said to the man Its not very large is it?I thought it was bigger.

Do you fancy working for a company that has a little more than 500 employees and has the following statistics?:

* 29 have been accused of spousal abuse

* 7 have been arrested for fraud

* 19 have been accused of writing bad checks

* 117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses

* 3 have done time for assault

* 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit

* 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges

* 8 have been arrested for shoplifting

* 21 are currently defendants in lawsuits

* 84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year

Can you guess which organization this is?

Given up yet?

Its the 535 members of the United States Congress, the same group that cranks out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line.

The General went out to find that none of his G.I.s were there. One finally ran up, panting heavily.

Sorry, sir! I can explain, you see I had a date and it ran a little late. I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now Im here.

The General was very skeptical about this explanation but at least he was here so he let the G.I. go. Moments later, eight more G.I.s came up to the general panting, he asked them why they were late.

Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now Im here.

The General eyed them, feeling very skeptical but since he let the first guy go, he let them go, too. A ninth G.I. jogged up to the General, panting heavily.

Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but…

Let me guess, the General interrupted, it broke down.

No, said the G.I., there were so many dead horses in the road, it took forever to get around them.

Did you hear about the duck who went into the drugstore?
He told the pharmacist, Give me some chapstick and put it on my bill.

Joke found on http://www.randomjoke.com

It seemed like a silly idea at first,
but now I sleep much better with my eyes closed!

A 6-year-old was overheard reciting the Lords Prayer at a church service: And forgive us our trash passes, as we forgive those who passed trash against us.

You get kicked out of all-you-can-eat restaurants.

A man walks into a bar pulling a heavy chain. The bartender asks

the man what he could get him and why the man was pulling that chain

around?

The man answered HEY!! you ever tried pushing one of these

things!!