A blonde and a redhead were sitting together having drinks, when the blonde noticed a man walking towards them with an arm full of long stem red roses. The blonde says to the redhead, isnt that your husband coming carrying all those roses?

The redhead says, yes it is. The blonde responds by saying, Oh you are so lucky. The redhead says, No Im not. All that means is that I have to spend the whole week-end flat on my back, with my legs in the air and spread apart.

The blonde says, Oh my, dont you have a vase to put them in?

Two sailors and a nun are stranded on a desert island.After spending one one month on the island with the sailors the nun is so disgusted with their behaviour she commits suicide, after another month the sailors are so disgusted with their behaviour they bury her, after another month the sailors are so disgusted with their behaviour they dig her back up again.

Una pareja llega al cielo, y encuentra con un letrero en la entrada que decía: Hoy sólo se aceptan varones subidos en una cabra. Nota: se ingresa desnudo.

El marido tratando de ingresar a toda costa, le dice a su esposa: no creo que aquí conozcan bien a las cabras. Me montaré sobre ti y entraremos.

Así lo hacen, y tocan en la puerta celestial. San Pedro contrariado exclama: ¿pero que es esto?

El esposo responde: pues mira, vengo montado en una cabra como dice el letrero.

San Pedro replica: Por Dios, hasta ahora veo una cabra con las tetas adelante y la chiva atrás.

Un hombre blanco de complexión diminuta entra a un elevador. Adentro está un corpulento negro. El negro dice:

Dos metros 10 centímetros, 160 kilos, miembro de 60 centímetros, testículo izquierdo de 1 kilo 500 gramos, testículo derecho de 1 kilo 250 gramos. Me llamo Dante Voltta.

El blanco cae desmayado al piso. El negro se alarma y se agacha a levantarlo. Trata de reanimarlo, lo agita y finalmente recobra la conciencia.

¿Qué te pasó?

¿Qué me dijiste cuando entré?

El negro repite:

Dos metros 10 centímetros, 160 kilos, miembro de 60 centímetros, testículo izquierdo de 1 kilo 500 gramos, testículo derecho de 1 kilo 250 gramos. Me llamo Dante Voltta.

El hombre blanco dice:

¡Gracias al cielo!, pensé que habías dicho ¡DATE VUELTA!

You Are Different and Thats Bad

Dads New Wife Timothy



Pop! Goes The Hamster . . . And Other Great Microwave Games



Testing Homemade Parachutes Using Only Your Household Pets



The Hardy Boys, the Barbie Twins, and the Vice Squad



Babar Meets the Taxidermist



Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence



The Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables



Start a Real-Estate Empire With the Change From Your Moms Purse



The Pop-up Book of Human Anatomy



Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will



The Care Bears Maul Some Campers and are Shot Dead



Controlling the Playground: Respect through Fear

The wife says: Im not yelling!
The wife means: Yes I am! I think this is important!

In answer to the question Whats wrong?

The wife says: The same old thing.
The wife means: Nothing.

The wife says: Nothing.
The wife means: Everything.

The wife says: Nothing, really.
The wife means: Its just that youre an idiot.

The wife says: I dont want to talk about it.
The wife means: Im still building up steam.

Driving to work, a gentlman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of a truck in front of him. Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving. Fortunately, another officer had seen the carton in the road. The policmen stopped traffic and recovered the box. It was found to contain large upholstery tacks.

Im sorry sir, the first trooper told the driver, but I am still going to have to write you a ticket.

Amazed, the driver asked for what.

The trooper replied, Tacks evasion.

The old farmer was talking to his neighbor after Sunday school
and said:

I didnt realize how bored God is with baseball.
After all the preacher said, In the Big Inning,
God created the heavens and the earth…

A Rabbi and a Priest were sitting together on a train, and the Rabbi
leans over and asks, So how high can you advance in your organization?
The Priest says If I am lucky, I guess I could become a Bishop.
Well, could you get any higher than that? asks the Rabbi.
I suppose that if my works are seen in a very good light that I
might be made an Arch Bishop said the Priest a bit cautiously.
Is there any way that you might go higher than that?
If all the Saints should smile, I guess I could be made a Cardinal,
said the priest.
Could you be anything higher than a Cardinal? probed the Rabbi.
Hesitating a little bit, the Priest said I supose that I could
be elected Pope, but…
So the Rabbi says And could you be anything higher than that?, is
there any way to go up from being the Pope?
What!!! I should be the Messiah himself!?!
The Rabbi leaned back and said One of our boys made it.
From dpn@panda.UUCP (Rambo) Wed Aug 28 12:40:51 1985
Newsgroups: net.jokes

When I take a long time

I am slow

When my boss takes a long time

He is thorough

———————————-

When I dont do it

I am lazy

When my boss doesnt do it

He is too busy

———————————-

When I do something without being told

I am trying to be smart

When my boss does the same

That is initiative

———————————-

When I please my boss

Im ass-kissing

When my boss pleases his boss

Hes co-operating

———————————-

When I do good

My boss never remembers

When I do wrong

He never forgets

———————————-